My mum brought me to church since I was a little kid and I received Christ when I was 8. I had attended church regularly until Secondary 1 when I started to walk away from God. I came back to Him in Secondary 3 when Yoke Yeong brought me to FCBC in 1999. I persisted in Him until 2001 when I backslid.
But praise the Lord! For I have a friend like Yoke Yeong, who never gave up on me. In October last year, she asked me to return to FCBC. I obliged and I am so happy that I did. I needed a breakthrough in my life and felt that it was time for me to return to God. That I had enough fun and it is time for me to do the things that God wants me to. Yoke Yeong introduced me to Sharon, my funny and funky spiritual mother, and my fellow sisters-in-Christ, who treated me with such warmth and love on the very first day I got to know them. From Jia Hui and Joanna, I learned that chronological age does not translate into one’s spiritual maturity. I was so surprised by the steadfastness of their faith in God, despite their youth. Jia Hui, especially, showed much leadership and maturity in quite a few situations. Through Jingyi, I’ve learned that I could be freely open about my opinions and experiences with God.
These few months have been exciting for me because I've attended quite a few church activities in which God had shown His purpose & love for me.
During our network retreat, through Mabel, God pointed out to me and reminded me that before I was even born, He was already thinking of me, knew and understood who I was. That I was chosen (along with many others) and He is confident that I would be a good warrior of His light. He touched me so much with Jeremiah 1:1-10. How amazing is His love that even before I was born, He already knew me and had me in His mind?
During Encounter Weekend, God showed His immense love for me. The Holy Spirit revealed to me the anger that I had been accumulating because of my earthly father. He gave me this vision through which I was brought back to my grandfather's house where I spent most of my childhood. It was a very warm and touching scene. I saw myself as a small tiny baby wrapped in cloth as my earthly father gently picked me up from my pram and cradled me in his arms. Then he put my body to his shoulders and patted my back. It was a heart-wrenching moment for me. All these years I've been building a pile of anger because I felt that my father was very useless in contributing to the family. I've failed to see that he has been working so hard for us, I had never been there to see how difficult it is for him. All these years I've never told my father that I felt that he was useless. But God knew that I had to resolve my anger toward my dad. I believe He gave me this vision to remind me of my dad's love for me. So I'm really thankful for that.
The Holy Spirit also reminded me of the unkind things that people said to me. He also reminded me of times when I said to myself that I was ugly and fat and times when I didn't even dare to face the mirror for fear that other girls in the toilet would say things like "So fat and yet she wants to look at herself in the mirror”. It was a very painful process for me as I recalled these things. I just wept and released all of my hurt, pain and anger when my encounter guide ministered to me. Through her, God told me that I am beautiful and precious and He created me to be so, right from the start, in my mother's womb. That I am the apple of His eye. That He was always there for me by my side when I was hurt by other people even though I didn’t realize. That I no longer need to be afraid and no longer can be hurt by the words of man for what matters is what God thinks of me. I broke down even further when I heard these because I was touched through and through by His gentle words.
